I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
