I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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