I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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