before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Even my vagina gasped.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
