Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
