I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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