i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
