i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
