So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
