hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
