Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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