whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
