smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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