i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
