I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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