If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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