we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
