Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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