so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
