Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
