sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How does it feel to date your dad?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
