Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
