only if we run a train.
done.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
