We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You're like the curious george of whores
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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