my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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