she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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