Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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