Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
