life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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