Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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