i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
