Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
