What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
