I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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