So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the day after is always just damage control
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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