allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
another moral hangover. fuck.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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