I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
