You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
