honey bunches of taint.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
