So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
