quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
