I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
