I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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