she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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