Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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