Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
