i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
