I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
