Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
