I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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