My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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